For my mother's birthday luncheon we decide to keep it simple and eat burgers from her favorite place. Chillicothe, OH is great for people watching and we both love to do it. So observation time...

An old couple come in with a daughter or possibly a caretaker. My back is to the door so I see them in the following order; the old man walks by first, he is wearing a panama hat and by the looks of his pants he heard we'd be having some flash flooding later today. He also wears a snappy Members Only jacket that's color can only be described as a glorious sea foam green. The sort of green that you see on a website and it makes your eyes hurt. My astigmatism is screaming. Then it only gets better, his cute little wife walks in wear pants THE EXACT SAME COLOR as her husbands jacket. Was this planned? I don't want it to be, I want them to both come out of their separate walk in closets, see one another, have a laugh then say 'Fuck it' and go have some hamburgers, looking like they stole a piece of clothing from each other.

At a different table to my left there are two ladies enjoying a meal, dressed normally. Then this woman joins the table, her outfit is something to behold. A sort of royal blue sweatshirt with matching pants and some striped pink layer barfing out of the bottom of her sweatshirt. Her hair is contained in some blue netting that causes her hair to look like a flower pot. She looks like an escaped citizen of Whoville.
But this isn't the strangest part. Her shoes. The shoes!
They are a sandaled wedge with a fat strap that cover the frontal part of her foot. But this isn't even the best part because they're clear. Clear and plastic, like something a stripper would wear. You can see straight through the wedge and through the fat strap to her feet. At least I could if I could see her feet, I can't because they are currently covered in argyle socks. Wait, what?
Why these shoes with this outfit? More importantly why is she wearing socks with these shoes? These shoes a barely appropriate in the workplace setting unless you are in gentleman's entertainment but then she confuses even more by adding socks only old men and hipsters wear. While getting dressed today maybe she thought, "This outfit isn't fashionable enough. I need something to spice it-OH! I have it, clear heels! But it is quite chilly out today, I'd better be on the safe side and add a pair of socks."

I suddenly look down at my own outfit; a wrinkly blue striped oxford, a pair of hipster shorts, completed with a pair of loafers, no socks. Plus on top of it all I haven't washed my hair today so currently I am wearing a giant tan knit cap. I'm sure all three of those people are judging me too.

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