When I was little

I would listen to the Phantom of the Opera cast album alone in my room and act out the scenes I remembered.
For about three years I fell asleep to a CD of a rainstorm because it rained so little where I grew up.
Whenever I moved into a new home, I'd always figure out how I could sneak out of my room undetected. I never snuck out.
The last time I had a boyfriend, slap bracelets were still in style.
I was a Ninja for Halloween four years in a row.
I played my Clarinet for money during the local farmers market. I made about a dollar before they told me I had to stop.
I used to grow and dry my own tea leaves.
During summers, usually in July, I would bike down to my elementary school almost everyday to see if class lists had been posted so I could find out who my next teacher was going to be.
Between preschool and second grade, I would come home every day and watch one of three movies: Edward Scissorhands, Batman, or Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
As a baby when I wouldn't fall asleep my mom would drive me around in the car and let the hum of the engine lull me to sleep. Today I still get a little sleepy whenever a car is turned on.
I bought the four day pass to Comic-Con for three straight years.
Once I dressed up as an Anime character and participated in The Masquerade.
A dog jumped on me when I was very little and I still don't trust them. I need to remind myself everytime I see one not to be afraid.
I used to think cartoons were real people in brightly colored costumes.
At six I decided I was going to be a reconstruction artist in a funeral home. Once my mom 'played dead' for me so I could practice putting make up on people lying down.
In fourth grade I watched Nightmare on Elm Street and for a month wouldn't go to sleep unless every light in the house was switched on. I think this contributed to or even started my insomnia.
I always wanted to join Cross Country but couldn't because of my asthma.
I made S'mores in my living room by spearing a marshmallow on a kabob stick and roasting it over a candle.
I went to Target when I felt sad.


I just witnessed the climax to a film

I think I'm catching a cold.

I went to Panera to get an obscene bowl of chicken soup, on my way back I see some kids in their front yard.

They all looked super serious. For a minute I feel like an extra in a kids adventure movie. Just a random car in the background of a scene. They were all conversing and one girl, obviously the leader, was making wild hand gestures. The other group members were nodding in approval and at the end a boy shot his fist up in the air and shouted what I hope was, "Let's go!" I cannot be sure because my window was up. Then they all shot off down the street toward their adventure. They must be off to rescue a fallen friend or defeat a creepy neighbor that stole a baseball. A few of them are likely to be hurt but it's going to be a hell of a show.


Yesterday was a whirlwind of wonderful.

I went to my mother's home in Chillicothe under the pretense of borrowing some luggage (my road bag's shoulder strap snapped) but just ended up buying my own. It also turned into as a laundry trip as well. At some point we went to Carl's diner for lunch and were chatting (about certain men I may be interested in) when we were interrupted  by the high pitch squeal of a toddler nearby. The kind of squeal that only some dogs can hear. The kind that make you stop to see if a fire has broken out nearby. When it dies down I make a face and my mother retorts,
"There's what you need right there."
"Wait. What? Are you telling me in your own weird way you want grandchildren?"
"NO! Nooooo. No, that's okay. You just keep living your solitary, lonely, single life."
At this point I make a face, a what the fuck face if you will. My mother back peddles by saying,
"No I mean you can still kiss boys and give them special hugs. Just wear a condom."
I burst out laughing. The entire diner turns to look at our rickety little table in the corner. I glare at the diner. They go back to their meals. I continue to laugh. I love my mom.
SO much.

When I return to Columbus with all of my clothes clean for the first time in ages; I find Nicholas has returned from Wisconsin with thirty seven dollars worth of cheese. The night only got better from there.


Nerdy Things I Guess I Say

Today before our morning meeting with my department I was re-telling my Applebee's story to my new boss. During the process of story telling I utter the following sentence.
"I leave the bathroom and....ya know how Applebee's have those two inclined planes that lead down into the bar area?"

Everybody begins to laugh hysterically at this. I am confused as I haven't gotten to the meat of the embarrassment yet... Joe, who always loves to point out my nerdy/hipster qualities chimes in with, "OH MY GOD, so nerdy. Ramps, Kyle, they are called ramps." I just want to be accurate.

On a side note, earlier last week during darling Nick's birthday party...Casey, Brandon, a different Joe, and a whole bunch of us were sitting on our patio discussing zombie movies. I proclaimed I'd be a great last girl. Casey however, disagreed, "No, I would see you going down midway through Act III. Guns a-blazing, you would die fighting and it would be awesome." It may be the nicest thing a guy has said to me in a long time.
He claimed he'd be, "The funny guy who died halfway through to give the movie gravity." I'm inclined to agree.


Gosh you look nice

So I thought what this weekend needed, amongst the three weeks of travel, general lack of sleep, and over abundance of new information, was a little taste of Kyle in college. Burning the candle at both ends, that is.

After attending a concert until 11pm then getting home and talking with my director/playwright about comics over the phone for ten minutes I don't fall asleep until after 1am due to being too keyed up from said concert. At exactly 5:43am I get a text from the director: Script is done. Check your email. See you at 9am at Wild Goose. I get a few more hours of sleep to awaken at 8am to shower, I still smell of the road.

The next twelve or so hours are spent learning lines, blocking the show, going to breakfast with Audrey to further learn lines, getting gas and running lines, going to the Laughing Orge with the excuse of 'method acting' where Audrey buys two comics as I slink off to the corner to check out the D&D section, we head back to Wild Goose and run lines some more with Joe, the guy in our play, and then do another run through after Kal has gotten some sleep. Then, braving the post football traffic we head down to Independents' Day which spans from Gay Street all around Pearl Alley and Elm Street. Our tech lasts for 15 minutes as we are a simple lights up lights down kinda deal. We then break for dinner, I grab some money from an ATM, then end up only buying a soda. The Independents' Day is wonderful, I wish I had more time to go through each booth and explore, maybe listen to some music.

Around 6pm we do our cue to cue which takes us all of 15 seconds. The next hour we sit up in the upper diner area of the restaurant we are performing in and drink soda and run lines. I am always terrified of going up on a line. At 8pm the show begins, each company participating received a different day of the week as their prompt. Around the time Tuesdays' show begins Wednesdays' cast realizes we all need to pee.
Of course this makes every word of Tuesdays show garbled and indecipherable. I can't hear anything because I'm filled up to my ears with urine. Our turn comes. It goes beautifully, people laugh. We bow and run as a team to find the bathroom. The location of this bathroom is so absurd. It's located in a labyrinth of stairs, hallways, refrigerators, and freezers that most likely house the dead bodies of some deranged killer. The lights flicker over the ladies room sign and I have to hold the stall door close and I take the most satisfying piss of my life. We head back upstairs to a whispered chours of 'Good jobs,' take our place in the corner and pass the rest of the time by reading comics. During the last show I realize I haven't eaten in almost twelve hours. Opps.

The show ends. Clap clap clap clap clap. We clean up and leave. On the way back to the car the following conversations happens and makes me smile.
Anyone have change for a twenty?
Yeah I might, why?
Oh cause then I can pay you guys!
Yeah we got a seventh of the door!
(We all laugh and Kal hands each of us a ten dollar bill)
My first paid acting gig...
Wow! Kal this is like a tenth of what you and I got paid at Schiller Park.
Kal this is ten times more than I got paid for my last job.

We then talk about the other shows as I drive us back to Wild Goose. We say our goodbyes and I go back to my house and promptly pass out.
I still haven't eaten anything. Opps.



Early this week I agreed to be apart of a 24 hour theatre festival with Whistling in the Dark.

Kal, the director, called me tonight to make sure I was still in,
"Of course," I say.
He asks, "How much do you know about comic books?"

Each writer/director got a prompt, his was Wednesday. He has decided to write a script based around comic books being released on Wednesdays. I feel very lame because this is one feather I do not have in my nerd cap. I read comics. I enjoy them. However I do not have the vast knowledge that say, some of the guys I went to school with have. I wish I could help him out. If he wanted to know more about Manga I could have given him my number in the eighth grade. Eighth grade me would have been all over that.


Riding Dinosaurs

Real time conversation between Joe and myself on the facebook:

Joe:(9:04) I'm watching a documentary where they interview the creator of the Creation museum. It makes me want to go more...
Joe:(9:05) Yes, yes, a MILLION times yes.
Me:(9:06) We could take pictures and praise Jesus all at once.

I really want to go.
I hope we go.


I might be a klutz

I tried to make Nick watch GLEE in Lima. It didn't work out so well.

I bleed alot in my job. I have some scars, I think of them as trophies. Today I may have added two more.

The First.
The plasma tv case has lots of corners and Cabbage Case latches that are easy to get stuck in. I've closed my thumb in one before. Today though, I injured myself on the most benign thing possible. A screw head on the plastic cover which acts as a barrier between the tv and the outer case. Its this plastic cover that measures maybe a 1/4 inch thick. I gouged a chunk of skin out of the pad of my right ring finger. I consider it a blood sacrifice to the show. The show needs it to be happy.

The Second.
Nick's real birthday was tonight so we ended up going to Applebee's for drinks and dinner. I generally like to spend as little of my own money on the road as possible but still I had a beer for the occasion. When food arrives I head to the restroom to wash my hands. As soon as I enter the ladies, my right foot slips across the floor about two feet. I quickly regain my balance and stated a quick, 'Woooo-hoo!' to no one, dismissing the slide as slippery soap or a spilled liquid. I quickly do my business and go about returning to the table. On my exit from the restroom there is a small incline down to the bar that levels out and leads to my booth. Two servers and I have that awkward shifty side to side dance where no one is sure where the other is going. It's tense and all around unpleasant so I do as I always do. I begin this prance and crablike sideways saunter down the incline to relieve tension and with all hope crack a smile out of someone, even if it's just me. But then it happens.....

I slip.
My left foot slips in front of my right and this time the momentum is too great.
I fall on my left knee and my right ass cheek, breaking my fall with my hands to keep my overly large head safe from smashing upon the ground.
Ironically, with my right leg I kick down a bright yellow 'Piso Mojado' sign that flings across the floor and makes a loud clamour in the quiet restaurant. The two servers I began this dance with visibly clench their butt cheeks and have two visible thoughts written in their eyes and faces, "Ouch" and "Lawsuit." I quick arise and wince, knowing my left knee is finally catching up with my right in scars, I am met with several 'Are you okays?" from my audience that I quickly brush off to return to my booth. I immediately tell my table what happened with a self-deprecating laugh. Nick looks sorry he missed it, he so loves to see me in pain. Over the next twenty minutes virtually every staff person in the Applebee's comes over to our table to see if I'm alright, much to my chagrin. Do not get me wrong, I appreciate their concern, but I am embarrassed enough. This may be the best birthday present Nick has gotten from me. The manager comes to our table to make certain everything is kosher with our meal. It is. She asks if I'm alright, I assure her I am. Nick states that if I drink more I won't feel it, perhaps hoping as I am that a free something will be sent over. Nothing is sent. I don't hold a grudge, I used to work in a movie theatre where little old ladies would slip on butter for popcorn, I understand how this works. I'm not a fussy person.

After the clamour dies down, I examine my left knee, it is not pretty. Dead brown skin cells hang from the knee cap and bright red blood springs to the surface to coagulate my wound. I'll have to stop at the truck on our way back to treat it.

When the bills come I grab for the liquor bill since it is Nick's birthday. He refuses and pays for the whole thing. Bastard. The server overhears me arguing with Nick about the liquor bill and how I should pay since it's his birthday. He ends up bringing Nick an ice cream confection (sans birthday singing at my request, I remark how Nick'd be much happier if I'd just be asked over and over again by the staff if I was okay after my fall, Nick nods in agreement). The ice cream is pretty good.

My knee still really stings.



I'm in Lima, OH all week...and that's all I have to say about that.



I always thought the song Can't Get Next To You was about superpowers.

I can fly like a bird in the sky.
Hey, and I can buy anything that money can buy.
Oh, I can turn a river into a raging fire.
I can live forever if I so desired.

On the patio last night we celebrated Nicholas's day of birth. Then we talked about what superpowers we would want. It came down to a verbal sparring of which was better, Invisibility or Telekinesis. Invisibility has always been high on my list. Think about it, you could be a fantastic spy with some supplemental training. One guy brought up the point you could stand in a busy park and push people off of their bikes, which would be hilarious!

What it comes down to (for me) is I'm a voyeuristic little creep and I would love to just watch people. How people act when no one else is around. How people act together when no one else it watching. I wonder if it would reaffirm my belief in humanity or destroy it.

So Tired

Have just nearly been awake for 24 hours.


Bad Idea Continued

I can only write about this so soon because I just spent a lovely three hours with EG for Hire. EG and I chatted, drank coffee and tea, and soon I will have her hooked on Always Sunny and Doctor Who. It took my mind off of my stomach which was exactly what I needed after today.

To complete annual training we held a large potluck with lots and lots of carbs. I brought cheese, others made chili, pulled chicken, veggie pizza; all delightful food. Our newest director got a Crave Case from White Castle. One of my co-workers Chris, is a huge White Castle fan. He insisted everyone try a slider. I have never eaten White Castle sliders, I prefer not to shit blood.

My buddy Joe for reasons he can't explain, ate two. After some playful goading and sneaking a third in front of him I admitted to never trying one, from here a challenge was proposed, at first I outright refused but then said if they caught it on camera I'd do it. I thought I had set up a fail proof system. We usually film things on Flip Cams and I knew there were no Flip Cams available that day. Then Nick, my fucking roommate Nick, slyly holds up his shiny new camera stating, "My camera has a film setting." No looking back now. Wait, why are we suddenly eating two of them and supposedly racing?

I can't even begin to describe how awful these things are. There isn't a single redeeming factor to these satanic substitutes for food. I try to fake myself out by eating quickly. It only makes me want to vomit more. I try to think I'm eating amazing sushi, doesn't work either. Toward the end of the second one I shove it all in at once, hoping to just get it over with. I begin to dry heave but I can't possibly stop, a little voice in the back of my head says, "You can do it Kyle, be a champ, a disgusting champ. Everyone's watching, to see what you will do." (Yes I did just quote Loverboy)

I finish. I celebrate with a resounding, "FUCK YEAH!" then I promptly fall into the fetal position for about 10 minutes.

The greatest gift of all is it was caught on film.

Bad Idea

I just made a terrible fucking life choice.
Video to come....


Have you ever read a story so wonderful, it makes your skin burn?


I'm sitting in a parking lot, waiting for a bank to open, because apparently I can't get my life together. After I do that I'll be in an all day meeting about relationships. I generally like to be left alone in the workplace. I get more work done that way. It's part of the appeal of a one woman science show.

In honor of the all day meeting, Nick and I have decided to dress like hipsters.



Last Night while playing Dungeons and Dragons.
Casey: You walk into the hall and notice it's a lot larger than the outside would lead you to believe. It goes back very far....basically it's bigger on the inside.
Me: *giggling*
Patrick: Pervert.
Me: (I shake my head) Nerd.

Today while waiting for work to begin.
Joe: Batman is the best superhero of all time. He's rich, has an amazing car, fights crime, and has a bunch of awesome gadgets to help him do it.
Me: I don't want to see a story about a rich guy. I want a Batman that drives a crappy 80's Honda Accord, lives in a sub-let apartment, and has to balance his checkbook every month while fighting crime.
Joe: What!? I don't want to watch a Hipster Batman.
Me: *realizing* Oh God....I did just create Hipster Batman, didn't I?
Joe: Yeah instead of body armour, he'd just have skinny jeans.


I live with nerds

I walk in this evening to find...

I love this house.
I love my roomates.

Kaitlin Olson

Sometimes I fall asleep hoping for amazing dreams. Like I'm living in a Van Gogh world or sailing on an ocean of pebbles. I try to clear my mind before I drift off or I read something fantastical beforehand, hoping it will persuade my subconscious.

Tonight, up until the end, my dreams were incredibly pedestrian. Filling my car with gas, performing housework, driving around and the like. It didn't help that there is some terrible smell permeating through my open window that woke me several times tonight. I should have just closed my windows but this taste of fall weather makes me reckless.

Then for some horrible reason I am buying a meat sandwich. Not just pastrami and sausage and all that horrid shit but it also had some awful spam filling sitting across the crest of the loaf like a lifeless phallus. If I could smell in dreams I'm sure it would smell terrible. Then it happens, as I'm walking out of the shop I see the thing I want to be dreaming about, just sitting there. It sees me and smiles, asking quietly if I'm going to stay this time. I do. I feel embarrassment, being caught with such an awful sandwich but still I sit, on the precipice of excitement. It starts to tell me a story but then I awake. Fuck you, brain.

Although I am glad in retrospect I woke up because I am now having a mild asthma attack and have no medicine to speak of. Now I'm scared to fall back asleep for fear I might die.


Rose Tyler

This is how I've spent my day...

Cleaning my bike and refilling the tires. I almost went for a ride but got distracted by eggs.
Reading The War of the Worlds in my front yard. Any moment I expected something foreign to crash into the ground next to me. Eventually I had to stop because I wanted chicken.
Knitting and watching Doctor Who on my couch. Now that it's getting cooler I don't feel ridiculous making a scarf. Something about handling fuzzy yarn in the summer gives me the wig.

Human contact is supposed to make you happy, right? Today I've had contact with no one and I feel happier than I have in awhile. I wish I could spend everyday like this.


Liz Lemon

So a few days ago I'm eating some microwave noodles at my desk. I am also wearing my uniform which I kind of hate to wear. After two years of wearing one everyday I will take the extra 20 minutes to shave my legs and slap on a dress. This may be one of the few feminine things about me.

While eating the noodles a few of them fall on my shirt. Did I mention they were red curry noodles? I feel like I should cause they were delicious.

Thinking no one was looking I quickly eat the noodles off of my shirt. My friend and fellow co-worker Joe sees this, he and I are complete opposites yet we get along wonderfully based on a friendship where we constantly bust each others balls. Anyway, Joe sees this and judgement instantly crosses his face

Joe: Oh MY GOD! You are Liz Lemon!

Me: *With a mouth full of noodles* Whuck?

I wish I was as cool as Liz Lemon. I'm just disgusting.

Felicia Day

It's a beautiful day.

I realize this after I decide to go for a walk. I was just sitting on my bed watching episodes of Firefly when a light breeze bites at my back. Really the only reason I open my windows is to rid my room of the funk of dirty laundry it has accumulated over the week. Regardless, I get a sudden itch to go for a walk.

I put on some shoes, grab my Ipod and began to walk, listening to the Felicia Day Nerdist episode. I said yesterday to some co-workers I can't think of a woman I would go gay for. I stand corrected, Felicia Day is adorable.

I walk many places, mostly through lots of alley's. I grew up in a neighborhood with a lot of alley's and it's been awhile since I could walk through some at my leisure. At the end, my hair is mussed and wild, my feet sore, and now I am ready for a cat nap. Along the way I see several things.

  • Three children sitting in a porch swing in very close conference. They are obviously discussing very important matters such as what to do with this Saturday now that school has started weekends are again precious.
  • An older couple also out walking. We cross paths many times through the twists and turns of the streets. They though, are more appropriately dressed for said walk. Each time I see them they talk animatedly. Each time I see them their hands are interlocked. Upon my third time seeing them I think to myself, "Wow, I should NOT have worn this red pendleton shirt."
  • I come across another ally that is just lovely. At the threshold, two distinguished aged trees intermingled their branches which created a shaded ten feet or so, stretching out and eventually dissolving into sunlight. It looks as if I were to walk through this ally, I would be transported. Leave this plane for another land, the Faerie or some other such place. It also looked cool in temperature and the sun was starting to warm up. I don't go through the portal, I'm not dressed for adventure.